I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
