Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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