A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
