Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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