Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
