im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
