the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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