i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
