My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
