i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
