just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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