News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
