Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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