He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
