Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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