I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
