I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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