Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
