Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize