Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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