the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
