The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
