just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
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Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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