I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
