my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
