ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
