don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
