worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
