I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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