Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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