Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
