Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
