maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
