I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
