Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
