Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
