I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
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