ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
