do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
