Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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