apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
