I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
