Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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