yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
