Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize