I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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