Dual....:-)
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
