I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
