I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
