I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
not ubering you a puppy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize