i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
