Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's blow job season.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
