I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
how drunk are you?
Several
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
