so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
