sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
