I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
