Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Randomize
