Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
