When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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