i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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