Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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