sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
