Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
