Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
