If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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