how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
