My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
