was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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