Acid is not a monday night drug
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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