Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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