So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
