Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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