Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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