Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
